The Ultimate Guide to Authenticity

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Introduction

So many of us spend our lives being the person we think we should be—the person we’ve learned to be, the person other people want and need us to be, the person society tells us we should be. There are so many layers of "shoulds" that most of us don’t even know the person we truly are; we don’t know our authentic selves.

Being the person you "should" be is exhausting. It requires constant effort: reading the room, evaluating situations, and trying to fit in. Most of the time, we’re not even aware of how much headspace is taken up by this endeavor. If the way we live is out of sync with who we are or what we value, it can lead to discomfort and dissatisfaction. Often, we can’t quite put a finger on what’s missing or what isn’t working.

If that’s you, please know it’s going to be okay. Simply recognising that you feel out of alignment is the first step towards being more authentic. Everyone’s journey is different—some are further along, some are just beginning—and what matters most is that you’re here, ready to explore. By the end of this post, you’ll have some tools and steps to help you move closer to understanding and embracing your authentic self.

In this guide, we’ll explore what it means to know yourself and be authentic, the benefits of living authentically, and practical steps to help you along this journey.

What Does It Mean to Be Authentic?

Being authentic isn’t about telling everyone everything about you. You don’t have to share all there is to know about you to be authentic—in fact, boundaries are a key part of authenticity.

At its core, authenticity means being genuine to yourself. It’s about consistency in your words and actions and aligning with your values. It means being aware of and accepting both your strengths and your weaknesses, and embracing both your successes and your mistakes. It’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not.

As Brene Brown says, "Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are." It’s about having the courage to be imperfect, setting boundaries, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.

You can be both private and authentic. What matters is that what you choose to share is genuine and aligned with your true self. For example, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing things about your personal life when you’re at work, you can still be authentic by being true your values, beliefs, and boundaries.

Why Does Authenticity Matter?

Living inauthentically often sends the message to ourselves that who we are isn’t good enough—and that’s simply not true. When we deny our true selves, we deny our worth. This can affect our self-esteem and lead to feelings of disconnection, dissatisfaction, and even burnout.

On the other hand, living authentically has profound benefits. Research shows that authenticity is linked to greater well-being, life satisfaction, and resilience. When we live in alignment with who we truly are, we experience a sense of fulfillment and ease. Authenticity fosters deeper connections with others because it creates trust and openness. It allows us to let go of the exhausting act of "fitting in" and instead focus on belonging—belonging to ourselves and to those who value us as we are.

The Complexity of Knowing Yourself

Understanding who you are is a deeply personal and ongoing journey. From the moment you were born, you’ve been interpreting the world around you and making sense of who you are within it. Every experience, every interaction, and every moment of reflection adds a new layer to your understanding of yourself. This process is intricate and influenced by many different factors such as, family, culture, relationships, societal expectations, and more.

It’s important to acknowledge that we are not static beings with one singular, unchanging personality. Research suggests that we are multifaceted, showing different aspects of ourselves depending on the context we’re in. This doesn’t make us inauthentic — it’s simply a reflection of the complexity of being human.

To truly know yourself, it’s essential to embrace the whole of who you are—your strengths, weaknesses, values, and your beliefs. This requires compassion and acceptance. The journey isn’t about achieving a fixed state of self-knowledge but rather about staying open to learning and evolving throughout your life.

Steps You Can Take to Live Authentically

Explore What Matters Most to You
Take some time to explore your core values, identify the top 5 words that describe the kind of person you want to be. I have a free workbook to identify your core values here. 

Be Self Aware
Take time to reflect on how you are living your life, does it feel balanced? Are you acting in line with your values? Do you need to say no in any areas of your life? Is there something or someone you need to make more time for?

Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness allows you to see yourself clearly in the present moment. It helps you make conscious choices aligned with your values and to live intentionally. You can read more about that in my blog The Ultimate Guide to Mindfulness here.

Practice Self-Acceptance
Accepting all the parts of yourself is so important, we are all imperfect, it'

s part of being human - and so finding a way to accept the imperfect parts of yourself is recognising that you are human.

Identify Areas for Growth
Once you’ve gained insight into who you are, consider what areas you want to develop or enhance. This might include building confidence, improving communication, or setting boundaries.

Take Intentional Action
Make a plan for how you are going to develop in those areas you identified above.

Reflect and Reassess Regularly
Your values and priorities may evolve over time. Periodically reflect on what’s changed and how you can continue to align your life with your authentic self.

Tips for Staying Authentic

• Be Kind to Yourself: Authenticity is a journey, not a destination. As long as you’re on the journey, you are where you’re supposed to be.

• Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Spend time with people who accept and encourage you as you are.

• Take Up Space: Being authentic sometimes means you need to take up space - don’t be afraid to, and if you need some inspiration here are two people to follow on instagram

Emily Calandrelli as @thespacegal

Emily Clarkson as @em_clarkson

Final Thoughts

Authenticity is about more than just being yourself—it’s about embracing your whole self and living in alignment with your values. It’s a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and growth. As you navigate this path, remember you are already enough just as you are. 

Being authentic can lead to more happiness, more life satisfaction and a deeper sense of fulfilment.

Imagine a world where we all feel accepted and safe in each other’s company because we all feel accepted and safe in ourselves.

Ready to take the next step?

If you’re ready to dive deeper into who you are, what you want and what you need, then book a call here and let’s explore how I can support you to feel happier, more confident and unlock your true potential.